Did You Accidentally Leave Yourself Behind Somewhere Along the Way in Motherhood?
Sometimes the hardest choice isn't moving forward but deciding who you want to become next.
“That one moment changed your life completely.”
— The Strong Mom
This is Part 3 of the story of depression.
In SEE, we witnessed what happened.
In FEEL, we named what it cost.
Now, in CHOOSE, we do not rush to fix the feeling.
We ask what happens when the woman who has carried the emotion realizes she has been holding the pen all along.
This is where creation, alignment, and becoming begin.
If you are finding this part of the story first, scroll to the bottom and begin with SEE. This part will make more sense once you understand what brought her here.
Authorship begins when you pick up the pen.
You look at the mirror.
Taking your hand and tracing the affirmations you wrote on it.
You reflect on what you told Beatrice before this moment of solitude.
I am allowed to tell the truth.
My life is no longer defined by THAT day.
I choose the woman I am becoming.
You sit deeply with this mirror and wonder about possibility.
What could come next?
You slowly reach out to touch the hands of the woman in the mirror.
As if you want to become the woman surrounded by those words.
As if touching her could help you embody them.
You keep staring.
Almost hypnotized.
Stepping into the unknown.
Gaining courage to take a risk.
Feeling the past come in like a cold wind.
There is a pause.
You spoke a hidden truth that is now surfaced.
Now, what do you do?
💡 Creation
Once an emotion reveals the message to you, your nervous system relaxes enough for you to say it out loud.
The truth has been spoken.
Now you must choose whether to continue the ripple or return to what feels familiar.
Solitude
One of the invitations during solitude hour is to journal.
You decide to take your journal down to the beach.
The thought alone makes you anxious.
Slowly, you make your way toward the shoreline.
You lay your beach towel in the sand and stare out at the water.
For a long while...
you don’t write.
You simply sit.
Eventually, you notice prompts tucked between the journal pages.
You smile.
Maybe you didn’t have to know where to begin after all.
One sentence becomes another.
Then another.
The words begin to take you somewhere you hadn’t allowed yourself to go before.
💡 If I handed you the pen right now…
How would you write the next chapter?
Not the ending.
Just the next chapter.
What would tomorrow look like if you gave yourself permission?
Tell me by clicking the button below.
One of the ladies assisting the retreat comes over to let you know solitude hour will be over in a few minutes and to meet in the conference room.
You wrap up and head back inside.
You go upstairs to get your mirror.
This next exercise is a bit nerve-racking.
"I don't know how I will feel after seeing how someone else sees my story."
This is what you think out loud.
You grab your mirror and begin the anxious walk to the conference room.
Beatrice is there, smiling and waving.
You walk over to her and hand her your mirror.
She hands you hers.
You reflect her story in your own way.
Then you hold up the mirror.
She reflects your story back to you.
But as she holds up the mirror...
A question forms...
What am I seeing as I look in the mirror now?
The Workshop
The exercise was deeply needed, but unsettling.
The retreat facilitator isn’t leading this workshop.
You wonder how this will all play out.
Why are we talking about identity?
But then you begin to understand.
You connect who you were with who you are now.
You gain insight and clarity.
You begin to understand why.
You see yourself more clearly.
As the workshop wraps up, the retreat facilitator walks back into the room.
She smiles and says,
"Now that you've fully seen yourself, let's see tonight at dinner just how many possibilities and outcomes there are."
💡 Alignment
The emotion has revealed something true.
Alignment is the moment you decide whether your next choice will honor that truth or protect the identity that grew around the wound.
Seen & Heard
You get ready while talking to your kids.
Knock. Knock.
It’s Paula, Suzanne, and Beatrice, ready to walk down to dinner together.
The four of you talk about what to expect.
But you’re more anxious about whether you’ll have to speak.
You walk into the dining room.
Fresh flowers.
Beautiful place settings.
You wonder what will happen.
The retreat facilitator says there will be gust speakers tonight,
and to not ask questions until after each one.
A few women speak.
Questions are asked.
You clap.
You cry.
Each story seems to reach a little deeper than the one before.
Your mind begins to wonder about...
Their choices.
Their sacrifices
Their resilience.
Yet none of them have lived your story.
Instead of asking questions, you quietly wait.
Maybe you’re hoping you won’t see yourself in any of their stories.
Because if you do...
something might have to change.
It’s their life.
Not yours.
💡 I will ask again…
If you hold the pen…
What choice would move you closer to the truth you just discovered?
Not the choice that protects the old wound.
The choice that honors what you now know.
Share it with me by clicking the button below.
As the final person speaks, it changes something in you.
She says,
“For years I thought I wanted my old life back, but the truth was I wanted the version of me who hadn’t yet learned how fragile life could be, because she believed she had all the time in the world and never questioned whether tomorrow would come.
It wasn’t until I stopped trying to resurrect who I used to be that I realized grief wasn’t asking me to go backward. It was asking me to decide who I wanted to become now.
The hardest part wasn’t surviving THAT day. The hardest part was recognizing how many of my choices afterward were still being made by the woman who walked out of it terrified.
The moment I chose to stop letting THAT day write the rest of my story was the moment I finally began living again.”
When the questions begin, you find yourself raising your hand.
“How did you know you were ready to move forward?”
“Were you afraid that choosing yourself meant you loved your children less?”
After dinner, you walk over to thank her.
One conversation becomes another.
You ask what gave her the courage to stop surviving and begin living.
She smiles.
Not because she has all the answers.
Because she recognizes herself in your questions.
For the first time all weekend...
you feel understood.
You spend the rest of the evening talking with Paula, Suzanne, Beatrice, and the other women about everything the weekend has uncovered.
This is the freest you have felt in years.
No longer a prisoner to the emotions that kept you inside the identity built after THAT day.
As you head back to your room, you find yourself looking forward to tomorrow.
The weekend is almost over.
But something inside you is just beginning.
💡Becoming
Becoming does not happen all at once.
It begins in the moment you make a choice that no longer agrees with the old story.
One choice creates a ripple.
Repeated choices create an identity.
Choosing to continue the ripple is entirely yours.
Understood
The last night of the retreat, you drift soundly to sleep.
It feels different this time.
Lighter.
Tomorrow, you’ll pack your bags and head home.
But tonight...
you simply rest.
Endless possibilities.
Many stories.
It all begins with a choice.
Your choice.
💡 Repeat After Me: I give myself permission.
To see my life in the way it feels to me.
To feel without judgment or opinion.
To choose to define my life on my terms.
Will You Keep Living This Way?
Maybe…
Most people are taught to keep going.
Not take time for themselves.
Or choose.
What if the realization is…
How much more should you go through until you say, enough is enough?
The emotion shaped the choices.
The choices became patterns.
The patterns became a life.
You became the woman who fit inside the story that emotion created.
💡 I’ll be honest.
At my retreat, I ask questions that challenge you.
Because if I don’t, you’ll leave with the same story you arrived with.
The retreat is three days.
This story unfolds over three days for a reason.
I would love to hear your story.
If you’re ready…
My Open Invitation
I created an extension of this newsletter into a retreat to hold space.
A safe place for this all the happen in real time.
This might be you if...
You’re the one everyone leans on
Few people realize how much you’re carrying.From the outside your life looks stable.
Privately, you miss a version of yourself you can’t quite reach.You’ve done the work
Therapy.
Books
Coaching.
And something still feels unfinished.
You can justify spending on everyone but yourself.
You’ve wondered:
“Am I worth this?”
How to join Beyond THAT Day
This is an application-based retreat, not a direct purchase.
Spaces are limited and intentionally curated so the group feels safe and aligned.
Share a little about yourself through a short application.
I review each one personally and respond to every applicant.
If it’s a fit, you’ll receive an invitation to register and reserve your room.
With you,
Cora
P.S. Maybe we met by chance, but I believe we all meet for a reason.
If you’re reading this and wondering whether a retreat like this would feel emotionally safe, I want you to know I don’t take this work lightly.
Some of the conversations we have can be deeply personal. If a moment feels like too much, support will be available. I partner with licensed therapists who are present to support the well-being of everyone attending.
My hope is that you leave feeling safe, seen, supported, and more certain about what comes next.
If you’d like to learn a little more about the retreat, I linked yesterday’s post below.
This is part 1 of the story of depression: Is This Your Story?
This is part 2 of the story of depression: Who Did You Become?
Wonderful and really Helpful article for sure